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I maintain the conviction that it is forever an option to transform. I think you truly can instruct a veteran learner, provided that the old dog is willing and willing to learn. As long as the person is ready to confess when it was in error, and strive to be a improved version.

OK yes, the metaphor applies to me. And the lesson I am working to acquire, despite the fact that I am a creature of habit? It is an major undertaking, an issue I have grappled with, frequently, for my all my days. My ongoing effort … to grow less fearful of huntsman spiders. My regrets to all the remaining arachnid species that exist; I have to be grounded about my capacity for development as a human. The focus must remain on the huntsman because it is large, commanding, and the one I encounter most often. Including on three separate occasions in the last week. Inside my home. I'm not visible to you, but a shudder runs through me and grimacing as I type.

I doubt I’ll ever reach “admirer” status, but my project has been at least becoming a standard level of composure about them.

I have been terrified of spiders from my earliest years (in contrast to other children who find them delightful). During my childhood, I had ample brothers around to make sure I never had to confront any directly, but I still became hysterical if one was visibly in the same room as me. One incident stands out of one morning when I was eight, my family slumbering on, and facing the ordeal of a spider that had ascended the living room surface. I “managed” with it by retreating to a remote corner, nearly crossing the threshold (for fear that it chased me), and emptying a generous amount of bug repellent toward it. The chemical cloud missed the spider, but it did reach and irritate everyone in my house.

In my adult life, whomever I was in a relationship with or cohabiting with was, automatically, the bravest of spiders out of the two of us, and therefore responsible for managing the intruder, while I made low keening sounds and beat a hasty retreat. In moments of solitude, my method was simply to vacate the area, douse the illumination and try to ignore its being before I had to re-enter.

Not long ago, I was a guest at a pal's residence where there was a notably big huntsman who made its home in the sill, primarily lingering. To be more comfortable with its presence, I imagined the spider as a 'girlie', a gal, one of us, just lounging in the sun and listening to us gab. Admittedly, it appears rather silly, but it worked (a little bit). Or, the deliberate resolution to become more fearless proved successful.

Be that as it may, I've made an effort to continue. I think about all the sensible justifications not to be scared. It is a fact that huntsman spiders won’t harm me. I know they eat things like flies and mosquitoes (my mortal enemies). I know they are one of the planet's marvelous, harmless-to-humans creatures.

Alas, they do continue to scuttle like that. They propel themselves in the most terrifying and borderline immoral way conceivable. The vision of their numerous appendages propelling them at that terrible speed induces my primordial instincts to enter panic mode. They ostensibly only have the typical arachnid arrangement, but I maintain that triples when they get going.

However it is no fault of their own that they have scary legs, and they have just as much right to be where I am – if not more. I’ve found that taking the steps of making an effort to avoid immediately exit my own skin and flee when I see one, trying to remain still and breathing, and intentionally reflecting about their beneficial attributes, has actually started to help.

The mere fact that they are furry beings that scuttle about at an alarming rate in a way that invades my dreams, doesn’t mean they merit my intense dislike, or my girly screams. I am willing to confess when I’ve been wrong and motivated by baseless terror. It is uncertain I’ll ever reach the “trapping one under a cup and relocating it outdoors” level, but one can't be sure. There’s a few years within this seasoned learner yet.