Late-Night Hosts Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Program

Television's prominent entertainers devoted the evening mocking former President Donald Trump's recently announced visa program, labeled the "gold card," describing it as a clear cash-for-residency scheme for the wealthy.

Colbert's Sarcastic Spin

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic Christmas tune directed at the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... destroys all he handles."

The focus was the controversial initiative which permits overseas nationals to buy U.S. residency for an investment of a million dollars, or "premium" option for 5 million. A government portal guarantees processing "in record time."

"A brief thought here to wealthy applicants: before you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the card is also meant to "squeeze cash" from firms wanting to hire skilled workers, requiring significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, but if you register, you additionally get free accommodation at a property of your choosing – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"Unprecedented vetting the U.S. government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals truly are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit affluent overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "For a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the application, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging poll numbers during financial anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a bid to tackle prices, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, and behaved strangely to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting conservative news defenses of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.