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We've been friends for more than 20 years, who has overcome several hardships, and I respect her for that. But, she has been constantly taken by surprise by others. Her husband walked away, and it was a massive blow. Several of close acquaintances vanished during that time, because they seemed drawn to the spouse. She was stunned by her deeply. She put in increased attention in our friendship, and must have understood better the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, several in her circle have drifted apart without her being knowing the cause. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, even though she was an excellent employee, she departed unaware of why things shifted.

Present Situation

Recently, we've both left the workforce so we're spending frequent meetups, yet I realize my role in the relationship is to listen. I introduce topics of conversation but she shifts the talk toward what interests her. In terms of politics, she expresses strong opinions. I attempt to recommend double-checking information and alternate views.

She is arranging a holiday abroad I know well on several occasions even called home for a while. My intention was to share insights, but this was unappreciated. She essentially just desired me to confirm her choices. I have ended a month in that country and she wants to meet, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate in this role who abandons suddenly without a word, however, I feel she will ever grasp the effect of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Right now, I am in pulling back. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

It's possible to walk away, however, that approach is rarely a smooth outcome we hope for. Yet having a direct talk with a view to working things out takes courage and readiness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step is to state the usual pattern in your conversations. This needs to be objective and clear and basically an unbiased account. The second involves sharing how this makes you feel. Ideally, there's no argument here. Emotions are your feelings, of course. Finally is to question how the two of you will alter the interaction in your relationship."

Consider she too has her own side, thus requiring you to remain ready to listen to her. An approach that works is telling your friend:

"Now you talk while I will not say anything for half an hour."

It's remarkably impactful for promoting understanding.

Closing Considerations

This person might reject your concerns, as some people cling to a deep-seated story: they rely on a narrative about themselves they're unable to let go of because their very survival depends upon it and it represents they've known. It's tough when there seems no thoroughfare with these people, only cul-de-sacs. Yet she could at first react defensively and then think your perspective. And even if you don't achieve a fix, it provides peace knowing you were honest with her.